5:30

hey guys its 5:30 in the morning and i cant sleep. I slept but then woke up and now cant get back to sleep. Basically I'm really having a hard time here but its slowly decreasing as time pass by. right now i have a summer flu. I'm taking in more medicine than food right now. I'm dehydrated. That's why every now and then, I wake up in the middle of the night just to have a drink.

As time pass, I realised that i was spoiled back then. I mean yeah I took advantage with everything i got back then but i didnt realise that i took everything for granted. No doubt I have great friends and people there just come at you with a smile at a really friendly way and says hi. next thing you know, your friends. Back then I was friends with everybody ( i guess but thats what i thought ) well everybody i know and met. It doesnt matter where you came from or what you did in the past. Right now I'm experiencing trying to make friends with people who already have friends and belong to certain 'group'. Basically they dont just go around to people and said hi. they're not really THAT friendly. you want to be friends with them; you make the first good impession. In the end, they'll judge you and decide whether they want to accept you. Typical of me, fear of rejection, I never make the first move. I dont go around and said hi to people, I mean I do but not to the person i do not know. Basically I waited for them. =p so i dont know who's going to break first, me or them. I mean who knows.

Back in brunei there was hardly any traffic and transportation is really easy to find. Back then I guess I did everything last minute and always on a rush. Right now, I have to be advance. For example, my uncle and his family goes out every weekend, usually sunday, but only twice a month. So I have to buy everything I need for the two months ahead of me. Unlike in Brunei where when i need something, I simply just go out and buy what i need.

Brunei is really a safe place to live in. I remember Louie. Training for the cross country, he jogged all the way from his house to school and back. Chris, band leader, band meeting, no transport, he walked. So free. No limitation. Everything you want to do, you can do. No transport, hitch a ride, no place to go to besides home, crash on a friend's house or go to the mall. Every problem, there's always a simple solution. I never realise that i was so dependent on so many people and things. Right now I'm facing this world all alone and yeah it's hard but there's nothing like a box of Fererro Rocher all for yourself with no one to share with and watching some good tv.